Autism Spectrum Disorder is typically associated with males, thanks to outdated diagnostic standards and pervasive societal biases. This male-centric view has led to a serious underdiagnosis and misdiagnosis of autistic women and girls like myself. Through my journey, I’ve experienced the challenges of being misunderstood and overlooked by a system that wasn’t made to recognize my symptoms. Now, as we become increasingly aware of how autism uniquely manifests across genders, it’s crucial to share these insights to support other autistic women as they transition from youth into adulthood. This blog is dedicated to exploring these unique journeys, emphasizing the necessity for personalized support, self-discovery, and strong advocacy to significantly improve our lives.
The Subtle Differences: Signs People Overlook
Autism appears differently in women, often leading to late diagnoses and profound misunderstandings. The subtler, less recognized symptoms can significantly impact our social interactions, educational paths, and personal growth. Here are some of the symptoms that often go unnoticed
Masquerading and Social Scipting: The Art of Masking
Many of us learn to “mask” by mimicking social behaviors to fit in. This strategy helps us blend in but at a significant personal cost. The continuous effort to appear neurotypical can lead to intense mental exhaustion and a loss of personal identity, potentially culminating in long-term emotional distress.
Social Exhaustion: Constant masking is exhausting. We often feel burned out, needing solitude after socializing to recover from the mental fatigue. When I mask, it feels like I am putting on a play all day. I need to think about my every movement, facial expression, and vocal tone. This is extremely tiring and by the end of the day, I desperately need time alone to unwind and recover from this mental exertion.
Performance Anxiety: Continuously adjusting our behaviors to meet social expectations increases our anxiety, particularly in unfamiliar settings. I never know what to expect, especially if I don’t know the people. What mask do I put on? I have no frame of reference, and the uncertainty fuels my anxiety, making social events feel like daunting performances where every action and word must be carefully planned and executed. These experiences of social exhaustion and performance anxiety are common among autistic women and highlight the daily challenges we face in trying to conform to social norms that do not align with our natural inclinations.
My Inside World: Internalized Behaviors
Unlike the externalizing behaviors typically seen in males, we autistic females tend to internalize our struggles, which can lead to a range of psychological issues that are less apparent but profoundly impactful
Anxiety and Depression: The constant pressure to appear normal, to perform every social interaction as if on a stage, significantly strains my mental health. This pressure manifests itself as persistent anxiety and deep-seated depression, often stemming from relentless self-monitoring and the harsh self-criticism over perceived social failures. These feelings of worry and sadness linger because they don’t seem to have a clear cause, making them difficult to explain or justify to others and even to myself.
Eating Disorders: The need for control over one’s environment can lead to eating disorders. This can combine with sensory sensitivities related to food intake and texture quite easily! This control over food can lead to disorders like anorexia nervosa, or on the opposite end of the spectrum- over eating disorders. For me, food became a comfort item in times of stress or emotional turmoil. For many, this aspect of control becomes a critical coping mechanism.
Sensory Sensitivities: I also face sensory processing challenges, which are common but often underestimated and misinterpreted. These sensitivities can cause significant distress, leading to avoidance behaviors that might seem excessive but are necessary for me. For instance, I might avoid places with loud noises, bright lights, or large crowds that feel overwhelmingly intense and exacerbate my sensory overload. For me, I find that many sensory inputs at the same time (crowds, talking, physical or tactile input, uncomfortable clothing, etc.) can push me over the edge and this is when I will feel myself begin to lose my control.
It’s the Little Things: Lesser-Known Signs
Intense Interests: My passions are often deep and focused, ranging from literature and animals to celebrities. These interests are more than hobbies; they are obsessions that provide comfort and structure to my life. For example, in elementary school I had an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the solar system and many of the observable stars and planets. In high school I had memorized every song and artist playing on the radio and would quiz my mother on it daily during our commute. Now I am fascinated by psychology and neuroscience!
Emotional Sensitivity: My emotional responses are intense; I believe that I feel emotions more deeply than others, which can be overwhelming and lead to withdrawal or isolation. A casual remark can wound deeply, and emotional scenes in films can trigger profound reactions that might seem disproportionate to others but are incredibly real and significant to me. I have had to learn to control my outward responses to these emotions, which can be quite exhausting at times. I also can overcompensate and seem unemotional because of this.
Advanced Language Skills: Many of us can develop sophisticated language skills that can mask difficulties in daily social interactions. As a child, I was told I learned language skills before I turned one, and I had a rich vocabulary that impressed adults before I was five years old. Observers, including medical professionals, can be misled about the extent of our social comprehension challenges by this proficiency, creating the illusion that we are normal and even exceptional. As a result, these skills are a double-edged sword; they help in some ways but complicate others, particularly if we are expected to behave like neurotypical peers in social situations. Having the ability to communicate my needs and wants clearly did not mean that I understood others’ emotions or what they were feeling, how they acted, or what they were doing.
I Always Knew I Thought Differently: Cognitive and Emotional Discrepancies
Our mental and emotional landscape often includes nuances that set us apart from our male counterparts and can complicate our interactions and personal growth:
High Verbal Proficiency with Social Naivety: My ability to articulate thoughts clearly and eloquently often masked my difficulties with understanding social cues and norms. I recall that I would speak to my peers in grade school in ways that they did not understand. In turn, I did not understand why I was not developing friendships with my peers. I tended to have better interactions with adults who understood my ways of communication. Adults were kinder and more understanding to me. The behavior of my peers was unknowable, and I watched them, attempting to copy their social patterns to fit in
Challenges with ‘Theory of Mind’: In addition to being difficult to understand, I misinterpreted others’ thoughts and feelings. I found this challenging, and I often made mistakes and social faux pas that added to my internal distress. However, I didn’t realize I could communicate this to anyone around me. My mother often asked me to look at her and describe what emotion she was feeling. This is where I fell short because I did not understand the context clues or facial expressions she made to decipher her emotions. Moreover, I had a hard time comprehending that someone else might have a different feeling than what I was feeling at the time. All these things I had to learn.
Understanding these signs and learning how they manifest in daily life have been crucial in navigating my social world more effectively. By recognizing these internalized behaviors and cognitive discrepancies, I can now better manage my interactions, advocate for my needs, and help others understand the unique challenges that come with being an autistic woman. This acknowledgment is not just about adapting to the world around me—it’s about reshaping it to be more inclusive and supportive of my needs and the needs of others like me.
How I Make it Work!
Throughout my journey as an autistic woman, I’ve developed several strategies that have significantly improved my quality of life and helped me to better navigate the complexities of daily interactions. Engaging in talk therapy has been crucial; it allows me to detangle my thoughts and address the mental clutter that often builds up. This process is complemented by my constant journaling, where I put down my thoughts on paper and organize them, which clears my mind and helps me understand myself better.
While I am not actively participating in autism forums, I follow many and learn tremendously from the posts and discussions there. This passive engagement keeps me informed and connected to the community without the pressure of active participation. I have also cultivated a strong support network of friends who are all neurodivergent. We understand each other’s challenges deeply and provide mutual support, making a significant difference in how I experience social interactions.
My sensory needs and stimulatory behaviors are closely linked with my Tourette’s syndrome, influencing how I manage my composure. I’ve learned to maintain calm in most situations by understanding and listening to my nervous system’s daily needs. This self-awareness helps me recognize which situations I can handle and those I should avoid to prevent sensory overload. Moreover, I’ve assembled a personal stress kit that contains items catering to each of my senses—this kit is essential for managing stress and keeping me centered during overwhelming situations.
Together, these strategies empower me to live a more fulfilled and balanced life, ensuring I can handle the challenges that come with autism and related sensory issues. They allow me to advocate for myself and navigate the world with confidence, understanding that while the path isn’t always smooth, I have the tools and support to manage it effectively.
Empowerment Through Self-Discovery and Advocacy
Self-discovery has been a transformative process for me as an autistic woman. It has helped me to recognize and embrace my strengths, particularly in areas that demand meticulous attention to detail, creativity, and intense focus such as art, writing, and research. By identifying these talents, I have been able to carve out fulfilling personal and professional paths that play to my strengths. This journey of self-discovery has not only empowered me but has also opened doors to new opportunities that I had previously thought were closed to me.
Advocacy is another crucial element of my journey. It plays a vital role in enhancing societal understanding and pushing for inclusive policies that accommodate the diverse needs of the autistic community. Through my advocacy efforts, I strive to reshape public perceptions about autism and gender, promoting a narrative that recognizes the unique challenges and remarkable strengths of autistic women. Whether it’s through blogging, participating in forums, or speaking at conferences, every action taken to advocate for change is a step towards a more inclusive society.
Empowerment Leads to Opportunities
On this path, you may find yourself driven to uplift and protect the voices of female autistic individuals. The best advice I can offer is to invest in discovering who you are and what you can achieve. The more you know and understand about yourself, the better equipped you are to educate and empower others. Knowledge is power, and in our case, it is the power to change not only our own lives but also those of others in the autistic community.
In The End…
Navigating adulthood as an autistic woman is fraught with unique challenges, from dealing with subtle symptoms to managing the frustrations of often receiving a late diagnosis. However, by fostering increased awareness, advocating for supportive practices, and engaging in continuous self-discovery, we can ensure that autistic women receive the recognition and support they deserve. As society moves towards greater inclusivity and equality, the paths to thriving in all stages of life become more accessible.
Adjusting support services, refining diagnostic criteria, and promoting environments that empower autistic individuals are essential steps in enhancing our quality of life. This journey is not merely about receiving support—it’s about acknowledging and celebrating our diverse experiences and contributions, which enrich the fabric of our society.
From one autistic woman to another, I share these insights in the hopes that they will aid you on your journey. My experiences and the strategies I’ve developed are intended to illuminate your path and encourage you to embrace both your challenges and your strengths. Here’s to making our way in the world with confidence and resilience, and to creating a more inclusive world where every autistic individual can shine.
Life Reflects Psyc 
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